The Couch 4/13/2009
The bald, red faced, beer bellied man came at me like a dog approaches fresh meat. He spoke a raspy voice. We cringed as he approached, knowing all too well we couldn’t escape. We must’ve looked like fresh meat – a young Mennonite couple willing to be scammed.
My fiancé’ and I were in The Bed and Furniture Warehouse. I’d seen the signs for weeks, “BED AND FURNITURE WAREHOUSE, CLOSING OUR DOORS. SALE,” and I’d vowed in my heart never to enter that store. They weren't really closing. It was a scam. But an afternoon of furniture shopping had proved fruitless. We’d visited some higher end stores only to find they are all the same. Slapping extremely high prices on furniture and then marking it as “half off” seems to be an accepted practice. So here I was, looking for furniture with the lower half of society.
The bald, red faced man immediately launched into us and then after a lame sales pitch he said, “I’ll let you look around.” I won’t bother you.” We don’t do that here.” I knew he would. He continued, “If you see something in the store with a ‘going out of business’ tag, I will go to the manager and he will give you a special price.” My girlfriend sat on an oversized recliner. It looked to be wide enough for a five hundred pound man and his pizza and his wings. The bald, red faced man quickly said, “You could both sit on this.” I walked away.
He actually left us alone for awhile. After a quick walk through the store I realized everything in the store was junk except for about 10 couches. The bald, red faced man circled about at a distance, watching. After awhile I sat down on a couch and within seconds he was there. Sitting beside me, sweating, red.
I asked a few questions about the couch. It was a recliner and tag price was $1125. The bald, red faced man recited another lame sales pitch about the quality of this particular couch. He reiterated how the store would soon close and we’d need to make our purchase today. I wanted to say, “Cut the bs, I know this store isn’t really closing.” Save your energy and quit repeating it.” But I didn’t.
“Yeah,” the bald, red faced man repeated, “he’s going to close this store but he’s going to keep his other store open so if you want something we don’t have I can get it from the other store.”
I asked what kind of price I could get on the couch. He went into the manager’s office. A few minutes later he returned with a small note pad. “He looked at me and said, “He said he could give it to you for $850.”
“OK,” I said and walked to another couch. We found two other couches we liked. They were cheaper and didn’t recline. One was leather, the other wasn’t. The bald, red faced man got us the manager’s price on both. We sat on one couch. We sat on the other. Finally the bald, red faced man went back to the manager’s office.
He returned saying, “My boss can see you in there.” He asked if I’m you going to sell them a couch or what?” My boss said, tell them I’ll give them either couch for $_00.” They need a couch.”
“Ok,” I said and continued moving from couch to couch. “Let’s walk out of here right now,” I said to my fiancé.” But we didn’t. I offered him $100 less.
“Do you want me to lose my job?” said the bald, red faced man. “If I did that I would be fired.” He continued telling us how the store was going to close in a few weeks. Finally I decided I’m tired of looking for a couch so I said I’d take the leather couch. He whipped out an order sheet and within minutes the sale was complete.
When we were almost finished, I asked him if the store was really going out of business. He stuttered around for awhile. “It’s for sale,” he said. There’s a for sale sign outside and we have buyers coming to look at it.” With the bad economy I don’t know if it will sell but if it doesn’t it will never be what it was.”
So, they’re not really going to sell, I thought as I signed the credit card receipt. We got up and walked out. The bald, red faced man shook our hands and wished us a happy Easter. I don’t know what his name was. I do remember him asking our names and telling us his at one point and then saying, “We know each other now.”
I still don’t know how that bald, red faced man sold us a couch. I don’t think his sales pitch had anything to do with it. I wanted a couch and I was tired of looking and that’s why I bought it from him. He probably thinks his whole “going out of business” spiel worked. I feel sorry for the guy. Any way we were all happy. My fiancé and I had a couch and he had his sale.
click here to comment on this article