Please send some questions so Abner has something to pass his time at Fairmount Homes.

**********************************

 Dear Abner,

  I'm an "English" girl who is deeply in love with an Amish guy named Amos. I believe he is my soul mate, and I plan to join the Amish church before we marry. This is my problem, which I am too ashamed to admit to Amos: I am deathly afraid of horses. When I was 4 years old, I was bucked off of a pony, and I fractured my arm. Now, every time I get close to a horse, I imagine being trampled under its hooves, and I'm paralyzed with fear. Another problem that I've just recently realized is that I have not a clue about gardening.  (As far as I can tell, every Amish woman needs to keep a garden.)  What can you tell me about gardening, and what should I do about my fear of horses?

 

-Terrified in Paradise, PA

 

Dear Terrified,

 

  Well, have to admit, this is a tough dilemma. I don’t want to put a damper on your romance but an English marrying an Amish is about as rare as a bear marrying a zebra. I hope you can do it.

  I am sorry you fear horses because they are nice creatures. When I left the Amish many years ago I cried when I had to trade my trusty horse, Nicholos, in for a Lincoln. You need to tell Amos about your fear of horses and maybe he will buy you an old hag at the sale barn. I know Amish people in Lancaster County like to drive wild race horses, but he will surely understand that you don’t like horses. My sister Anna, God rest her soul, was Amish for many years. She and her husband, John, drove a nice old hag for many years. That horse did not run away, even when some Mennonite children drove by and threw eggs at them.

  About gardening, I don’t know what to say. What good is a woman if she can’t cook, clean, and keep a large garden? It looks to me like you might be in too deep. Maybe you could go after a nice, clean, English boy from the Worship Center. Well it’s past my bedtime.

************************************
Dear Abner,

 

  I was wondering what you thought about the election of this here Barak Obama to Presidency. I was kinda scared at first cause he’s a black man with a muslim name. But now he has picked a Portugese Water Dog for his pet and that is what I raise in my puppy mill, I think he might be a decent feller after all. I just hope he doesn’t take this here country into a bad pattern.

Thank you Abner, Phillip in Pennsylvania

 Dear Phillip,

  It is with much excitement that I pick up my pen to write to you. After 2 years in this nursing home with no one to advise but 80 year olds I’m about to go as they used to say in the old days, bonkers. Well, Obama, you’ve picked a touchy subject for my first response in two years. In my day black people had to go to different bathrooms than whites. They also had to ride in the back of the bus. That was quite nice. Now whenever I ride the bus it seems to be nothing but blacks. My father had a slave named Sam. He escaped to Pennsylvania on the underground railroad, but then he didn’t really take to being free, so he volunteered to be my father’s slave.

  Obama seems to be doing a good job. He is giving money to us old folks and taking money from the folks who are making it. I didn’t vote for him. I voted for McCain because he is my age. But untill Obama does something really stupid, I can’t say anything bad about him, even though he is a mullatto.  

Abner Stoltzfus is a renowned advise columnist in Amish and Mennonite circles. He is a man with extensive knowledge in dealing with many problems. He wants to know your troubles and guarantees he can provide an answer to anything. Please send your questions and problems to abner@birdinhandnews.com. Thankyou.

Dear Abner,

 

This question is of a spiritual nature.  Jesus told Nicodemus he must be born again in order to see the kingdom of God. Do the Amish in general believe in being born again? My wife and I have been reading some of the Amish Novels and we wonder how they feel about the Born Again subject.

 

Thanks in advance.

G. Beachy in British Columbia

 

Dear G. Beachy

 
  First of all let me say I am pleased and flattered to receive a question from someone as far away as BC. 
  Thanks for the question. It is quite deep. Thankfully I’m not only old but also really smart so I can answer it. It also helps that there’s a lot of old folks here at the home who are willing and sometimes able to help me with my advice. Just yesterday over a plate of food (I have no idea what it was but it smelled funny) me and my friend, Able, were discussing the born again question.

 
  My first bit of advice to you is to stop reading Amish novels. They are dumb. Beverly Lewis and that other woman don’t know anything about the Amish. They paint an idyllic picture of Amish life and Lancaster County which is far from its actual state.

  On the issue of being born again, I am a little confused, but I can tell you this. In my youth only the holy roller type churches really discussed and used the words, “born again.” It’s only been in the past 20 to 30 years that it made its way into plain churches. Today many Mennonite and Amish Mennonite churches use the words freely and it’s a little confusing to me.

 

  Now, the Amish as a whole don’t believe in being “born again.” They believe they receive the grace of God and have hope of salvation, but the words, born again, aren’t usually used. However, I can’t say that no Amish believe it because I’m sure some do.