We will have to wait a little bit to find out where Harmon III was going in his little Ford Escort. We now go back to Saturday night to see what Arvilla thought of Harmon.
Arvilla sighed as she drove down the road. A lot of thoughts were going through her pretty head. She was thinking about how pretty she was and how all the boys were falling over her. She thought about Karl. She liked Karl but she wasn’t sure if he liked her. She knew that if he asked her out she’d say yes.
Then she thought about Harmon. She thought about how his hand had brushed against her shoulder. She thought about his innocent stare and how he had fixed her car in two seconds. She thought about how he had messed up 17 times so he could stand across from her during the volleyball game. “I wonder if he really thinks he has a chance with me,” she thought, “he is nice and he would do everything for me.” She chuckled as she pictured his crooked glasses and the way he stuttered when he talked to her.
Arvilla sang along to a Miller Four tape until she got to her house in Leola. She lived with her parents, Bill and Mary, and her younger brother and sister. Her brother, James, was 12 and pretty simple and her sister, Clara, was 15 and couldn’t wait till her 16th birthday when she could start going with the youth. Clara was quite a nice little girl. She was almost as pretty as Arvilla and a lot of young Amish Mennonite boys could hardly wait until she joined the youth group.
Arvilla also had an older brother and sister. Her brother, Jim, was 24 and was married to Karl’s older sister, Verna, and they lived in a bungalow in Ronks. They had two kids and a dog named Peaches. Arvilla’s sister, Susanne, was 22 and was married to Alfred Stoltzfus. They lived in Smoketown. Susanne and Alfred had been married for six months and she was pregnant with their first child.
The Beilers were a nice Beachy family. None of their children were ever bad and none of them went out into the world, even for a time. Arvilla was quite fond of all her brothers and sisters. She and Susanne were good friends and they spent a lot of time together. However, Susanne was always bugging Arvilla about getting a boyfriend. She had dated for eight months, and married after a four month engagement. She couldn’t figure out why Arvilla didn’t have a boyfriend yet. Arvilla didn’t really care that Susanne always bugged her about it because she knew she’d get a boyfriend soon enough. She was only 19, so many boys were after her and she wasn’t really worried.
When Arvilla got home she talked to her younger sister, Clara, for awhile. Clara always wanted to know about the latest youth gossip. She told Clara how she and Karl were on the same team all night. She blushed when Clara teased her about Karl. She also told about the mishap after gym night and how Harmon fixed her car in two seconds. When Clara heard this she teased Arvilla for awhile about Harmon.
“Harmon and Arvilla sitten’ in a tree,” she teased.
“Shut your mouth, brat,” Arvilla replied. She didn’t really care being teased about Harmon, but she had to pretend she did.
Arvilla went upstairs to her room and wrote in her diary. She wrote about gym night and how she was confused about what Karl thought of her. She wrote about the dress she had sowed that day and she wrote about all the other boring things she’d done. At the very end of her entry she wrote what we’ve all been waiting to hear.
….and then I left the gym and went out to my car. On the way there I almost
walked into Harmon Stoltzfus. He mumbled something to me and then I went
on out and tried to start my car. It wouldn’t start so Harmon came running out and fixed it in two seconds. It was the most amazing bit of mechanical work I have
ever seen. When he was opening the hood his hand brushed my shoulder and that
made my heart flutter a bit. I’m not sure how I feel about him. He’s really kinda
weird. His family is weird and his older brother, Pete, is scary. But sometimes
I do think Harmon’s cute. He’s definitely not hot, but he’s cute. I would never admit that to anyone. I think Karl is the one for me. I know he’s going to ask me out soon. When that happens I’ll forget about Harmon.
Arvilla put her diary away and went to sleep. As her mind left this world, the last image she saw was Harmon fixing her car and his hand brushing against her. She slept well that night.
We now leave Arvilla’s bedside to rejoin our hero as he goes somewhere on a Friday night. Harmon’s father had made a startling demand and Harmon was mad at him. Harmon II had told him, “Get a girlfriend or move out.” Harmon thought he wasn’t serious until his father arranged a date with Millie Miller. We already know how Harmon feels about Millie and now we see what his plans are.
Harmon III drove down 340 and his stomach felt like a bunch of bowling pins that had just been hit by a big bowling ball. He was really nervous but he had a plan. The plan was not the best plan in
The Gospel Express was singing on the tape player as the little black Escort wheeled through Intercourse. Harmon looked out the window at the park where he had first seen Arvilla. It was just few short summers ago and he, Willard and Henry had been sitting there watching a ball game when several young Beachy girls walked by. One of those girls was Arvilla Beiler and since that night, she’d been the only girl he liked. “Oh how I wish I was going on a date with her,” he thought, “if I could be going out with her it would make me the happiest boy in all of Bird in Hand.”
But he wasn’t. He was headed to the Miller homestead east of Intercourse. The Gospel Express was still wailing as he drove in the lane. His stomach felt worse than it ever had. He was mad. He was nervous. When he got close to the house he saw about 10 pairs of eyes in staring out the windows. The ten Miller kids and Mother and Father Miller were all watching with great joy as the oldest daughter, Millie, went on her first date. Mother Miller was already having visions of Harmon and Millie walking down the aisle.
Harmon pulled up and got out of the car. Millie came charging out of the house. She actually looked kind of nice. A huge grin covered her face and her pink dress glowed in the evening sunlight. As she walked toward Harmon, his disgust toward her slightly subsided, but when she cooed, “Hi Harmon,” it all came back.
Millie got in and Harmon was ready to flee the ten faces in the windows when a gruff voice startled him. “Harmon, how are you?” It was Father Miller and he was standing beside the little black Escort.
“I just want you to know that Millie is a very special girl.” We all feel much honored that you wanted to go out with her.” I also appreciated the way you told your father to ask me if you could date my daughter.” It means a lot that I was asked.”
Harmon felt like telling Mr. Miller right then and there that dating Millie Miller was absolutely the last thing he wanted to be doing on this fine summer’s night, but he refrained. He knew that after he put his plan into action, Millie would never want to go out with him again.
Harmon and Millie drove out the lane. Millie told Harmon all about her day and how excited she was to be his girlfriend. Harmon was thinking about putting his plan into action. He pulled into the Intercourse Market, got out and pulled a radio antenna from the back seat. He screwed it in place and got back into the car. (Amish Mennonites are not allowed to listen to the radio so they have to take their radio antennas off). Harmon turned off the Gospel Express and tuned the radio to FM97, the local pop music channel. A black man was rapping about dancing. Harmon detested pop music but he figured Millie would be so horrified by this move that she’d want to end the date right there.
Millie was silent for a bit and then she looked at Harmon and said, “I love this kind of music.” I think it’s so dumb we aren’t allowed to have radios” She started bouncing to the beat.
Harmon was stunned by this revelation, but he still had hope. He drove to the nearest McDonalds and stopped his car. Millie looked at him with a horrified look in her eyes. Then she said, “Are we having our date here?”
“Yes,” Harmon replied, “I’m low on cash right now so this is the only place I could afford.”
The visions of a fancy restaurant left Millie’s head as she scanned the dollar menu. Harmon ordered first and quickly paid. Millie was even more stunned when he didn’t offer to pay for her Quarter Pounder. They sat at a dirty table beside a Mexican family and Harmon launched into his Big Mac.
Millie looked at her food for awhile. Harmon was feeling good as he saw the disappointed look in her eyes. His plan was finally working.
They ate for awhile and then Millie said, “I think it’s neat that we can have our first date at McDonalds.” Years from now we’ll look back on this night and laugh.” Harmon, you are so romantic bringing me to the place I least expected.”
Harmon’s heart fell into his stomach.
She continued, “I think it’s so dumb how people think they have to spend 50 dollars to eat at a fancy restaurant when we can have just as much fun at McDonalds.”
Harmon was confused by this girl. His radio plan had failed. His McDonalds plan had failed. What was he going to do? Our Hero put the third faze of his plan into action.
He burped very loudly.
Millie laughed, “You are so cute.”
Then he started eating like a pig. He treated his Big Mac like his own personal whipping boy and two minutes later his face and hands and the surrounding area were covered with mustard and ketchup. Millie laughed at him and wiped his face off with a napkin.
“I think it’s so awesome the way we can be ourselves around each other and we just started dating,” Millie said, “Most people are so nervous on their first dates but I feel like I know you so well already and I like you.” I know you will be honest with me just by the way you’re eating your hamburger.”
Harmon grunted something and then he decided his time was almost up. No matter what he did, Millie loved it. He was at the end of his rope.
Harmon decided to try something else.
“Amish Mennonites are dumb,” he said, “I’m thinking about going Baptist.”
“Oh that is so how I feel,” Millie replied, “I don’t think I’ll stay Beachy.”
“Bill Clinton was such a good President.” I think George Bush is a liar and we definitely went to war for oil.”
“Who are Bill Clinton and George Bush?”
“I do not believe in the rapture.”
“I don’t either.”
And so it went. Harmon said all kinds of outlandish things that he didn’t even believe, but Millie agreed with everything he said. Every rash statement he made, she thought was cool. When he said that gays should be allowed in the
“Harmon, I think it’s so cool we are getting to know each other so well on our first date,” she said.
Harmon looked around in desperation. He saw the table full of Mexicans sitting there so he loudly proclaimed. “I think all those dumb spics and wetbacks should be sent back to
When the Mexicans heard this they looked over very angrily. One big man came charging at the little couple. He said a bunch of angry words in Spanish. Then he went back to his table, grabbed a hamburger, and threw it at Harmon. Harmon ducked and the hamburger splattered all over Millie’s pink dress.
Harmon and Millie quickly jumped up and ran out of the McDonalds. The Mexicans ran after them and pelted the little black Escort with french-fries and ketchup. Harmon was laughing as he wheeled out onto route 30. Millie was not laughing. Her pretty pink dress was covered in ketchup, cheese and hamburger.
Harmon felt sorry for her but he was happy. He had done it. She’d had enough and he was free.
Millie looked at Harmon and saw he was laughing so she started laughing too. “This is so funny,” she said, “we’ll be telling our kids about this.”
Harmon groaned and banged his head against the steering wheel. (by iw 4/21/07 to be continued)
Read Our Hero Harmon next week to see if Harmon was successful in making Millie mad. Plus, Harmon II does something crazy.