“Dating is not what?” exclaimed Mr. Stoltzfus loudly from the front of the chapel at
Our hero looked wildly about the room. A few boys had smirks on their faces. Willard and Henry were trying not to laugh. Most of the girls, including Susan and her cool friends, were looking uncomfortably at the floor. “Um I said, um, Dating is not waiting.” I meant, um dating is not waiting I said.”
“Oh, I thought you said something else,” said Mr. Stoltzfus. “What exactly do you mean by dating is not waiting?”
Harmon didn’t know what to say so he did what he usually did when he didn’t know what to say. He looked at the floor and played with his pencil. Finally Susan popped up, “He probably meant that dating is not waiting for marriage.” Everyone looked confused. After 13 seconds of awkwardness, a smart boy popped up with the right answer. Susan looked back at Harmon. She had a troubled look on her face. Harmon breathed a sigh of relief.
After the class Mr. Stoltzfus said, “Harmon could I talk to you for a second. All the other children looked at him and left the room. Harmon walked up to the teacher and looked at him.
“Harmon,” started Mr. Stoltzfus, “I have a concern for you brother.”
“Huh.”
“What you said today in class was irreverent, unholy, and very unbeachylike.”
“I’m sorry for what I said, but you forced me to say it.” Harmon continued looking at the floor.
“I didn’t force you to say anything,” continued Mr. Stoltzfus. “I’m going to have a chat with the Principal and I imagine we’ll place you on probation.
Probation, NOOO, thought Harmon. Probation at NBC was awful. No one wanted to be placed on probation. It meant no volleyball, no going on walks in the woods, and worst of all, NO soda or pizza on Friday nights.
Harmon tried to think of something to say. He wanted to defend himself. But he couldn’t. He decided to take the road of sorrow. “I’m so extremely sorry for what I said.” Could you please forgive me?” Please.” He looked as sad as he possibly could and tried to force a tear to his eye. None came.
“I’ll let you know,” said Mr. Stoltzfus as he got his Bible and book bag and left the chapel. Harmon sat there in the chapel for a long time and looked at the pulpit. No one came in to interrupt him. Everyone was outside playing volleyball.
Later that day Harmon was sitting in his dorm when a voice came over the loud speaker. It said, “Will Harmon Stoltzfus please report to the office.” Harmon considered running out to the parking lot, stealing a car and driving back to Bird-in-Hand. But he didn’t.
When he got to the principal’s office, Mr. Stoltzfus and Peter Kauffman, the founder and paterfamilias of NBC, were sitting there with grim looks on their bearded faces. Peter Kauffman was looking at some kind of paper. “You may be seated,” he said as Harmon walked in. Harmon sat down on the empty chair. It was hard.
Mr. Kauffman cleared his throat. “John has alerted me of a very troubling situation and I think it’s time we cleared it up.” What were you thinking when you said what you said?”
Harmon was scared. He had intended on staying off Mr. Kauffman’s radar during his stay at NBC. It was too late for that. But he was prepared. “Well last night I wrote something really dumb on my paper and then today when I saw it I laughed a little bit and then Mr. Stoltzfus wanted to know what it was.” I tried to tell him it wasn’t appropriate but he insisted I share it with the class.” Finally I did and now he is accusing me of being unholy and unbeachylike.” I realize what I wrote was immature and dumb, but I never intended to share it with the class and I don’t really think it was unbeachylike.” I’m extremely sorry and promise to do better.”
The founder of NBC looked very grim. He digested what Harmon told him. After about 56 seconds he cleared his throat and said. “Well I don’t think you’re a bad person and I believe you are sorry.” Harmon looked relieved. “But I want us all to do better so I’m going to put you on probation for a week.”
“But you can’t do that,” blurted Harmon without thinking.
“Yes, I can.” I can send you home if I want to.” NBC is an institution for biblical learning, not a place to say dumb things.”
Harmon said nothing.
“So I’m going to put you on probation.” You may not play volleyball.” You may not go on walks in the woods.” You may not have pizza or pop on Friday night.” And you must wash dishes every morning for a week.”
No, thought Harmon, not dishes.
“I will do whatever you ask,” said Harmon.
“Hopefully this will help us all grow spiritually.”
Why does he have to keep saying us, us, us, thought Harmon as he left the office and went to his dorm and cried. All the other children were playing volleyball.
Harmon took his Bible from beneath the pillow. He read it for awhile. Why am I always getting in trouble, he thought. I’m really a good guy. I don’t talk dirty, I don’t listen to bad music, I read my Bible, but somehow I’m always getting in trouble. I want to be good. I want to be good. All the good guys get the girls. All the good guys get to play volleyball and eat pizza. “God, please help me to be good,” Harmon prayed. After praying and reading the Bible, he felt better.
Then someone else came into the room. Harmon opened his eyes to see his bunkmate, Alan Miller from Minerva
Alan walked over to his bed and sat down, looking very concerned. Harmon pretended to be sleeping. Alan took a book from beneath his pillow and began reading it. Seven minutes later he cleared his throat and said, “Brother, I have a concern for you.” Harmon continued to pretend he was sleeping. Alan got up and walked over to Harmon, who was on the top bunk. He placed his hand on Harmon’s shoulder.
Harmon jumped up with a start! He whacked at Alan’s hand and sat against the wall, looking very angry. “What do you think you’re doing?”
Alan looked simple. “I’m just trying to help you, friend,” he said with a concerned look on his face.
“Thanks,” Harmon said, “but I don’t need your help.” And why are you calling me friend.” I’m not your friend.” I’m just you’re roommate.” That’s it.” And I don’t know why you’re touching me.”
“Well Harmon,” said Alan, “about what you said today in class…”
Harmon interrupted him, “That’s already been taken care of.” I was placed on probation and that’s why I’m sitting in here and not outside playing volleyball.”
“Oh,” said Alan, “I didn’t realize that.” But being disciplined isn’t everything.” You need to be truly sorry and ask for forgiveness.” I was deeply offended and the girls were probably scarred for life.” He kept rambling on.
Harmon had enough. “Hey I’ve asked God for forgiveness and that’s all I need to do.” I really don’t think my spiritual stuff is any of your business.” Now lay off.” Plus if you people could take a joke this whole thing would be nothing.” It’s so stupid.” Now get out of my face or I’m gonna put my fist in your face.”
Suddenly Alan looked scared. He took a few steps back. Evidently the words Harmon had just used weren’t used by any Ohio Beachies. “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” he said slowly.
“Just get out,” Harmon said and put his face back in his pillow. Alan walked slowly out of the room shaking his head. After he left Harmon sat there for a long time. He sobbed quietly. Never in his life had he talked to someone with such rudeness and he felt awful.
The next couple days weren’t real great for Harmon. He got up early every morning to wash dishes, he didn’t play volleyball, and he endured dirty looks from a lot of people. Worst of all, Susan refused to talk to him or even look at him. Harmon didn’t know if she was mad about the “Dating is not Mating” thing or if she’d just forgot about him. From his dorm he could see the volleyball court and she was playing beside other boys and it looked like she was having fun. Harmon walked around with a frown on his face. A few other boys tried to show him the path to forgiveness and he didn’t treat them much better than Alan.
The saying, “Two wrongs don’t make a right,” has been used and reused far too many times and also applies to this story. However, when two wrongs occur, the lesser of the two is usually forgotten. Lucky for Harmon, the attention of the disciplinarians at NBC was about to be directed elsewhere.
It happened two nights after Harmon was put on Probation. It involved four boys, darkness, window peeping, and the girl’s dorm. A loud scream from a scared girl and 33 seconds later the four boys were lying facedown on the ground with a pajama clad Mr. Kauffman standing above them holding a plunger. It wasn’t his first year at NBC and although he was 65 he had skills. When the smoke cleared Harmon’s probation was forgotten, the four boys were headed back to
“What you need brother is forgiveness,” Harmon said. “By the way I’m headed to the volleyball court to talk to a girl.”
Alan kept cleaning up his stuff. His dad was a preacher.
“You see, since you got in trouble they all forgot about me and I can do whatever I want.”
Harmon laughed and left the room. Life was going great.
On Saturday the children all got to go to town. Everyone schemed and planned to go with the cool people. Harmon told Willard to ask Martha if she wanted to go with them in the PA van. He hoped Susan would jump in too. Lucky for him, she did. All the other boys looked envious as the van rolled out the lane with Harmon, Willard, Henry, Mark and the cool girls in it. Several boys jumped into their cars and followed the van in hopes of reaching the same destination. Of course everyone ended up at the same place because Walmart was the only place in town to go to.
The cool girls and their suddenly cool guy friends walked around Walmart and looked at sunglasses and pictures of Jessica Simpson and tried to look cooler than anyone else. Harmon didn’t know how to act cool so he just acted weird. He was simply happy to be off probation. After awhile he met up with Susan in the CD aisle. She was holding an Alan Jackson CD and looked kinda embarrassed when she looked up and saw Harmon standing there eating a cheese dog.
“Uh, you’ve got mustard on your nose,” she said, “but then again that’s pretty normal for you. She smiled and looked down at the CD she was holding.
Harmon tried to wipe off the mustard and when he did that he dropped the half eaten cheese dog on the floor. Susan looked at him in shock. Then Harmon kicked the cheese dog under the CD shelf and wiped his hands on his pants. Mustard was everywhere.
“What CD are you looking at,” he said as if nothing had happened.
Susan giggled and shook her head. “You are so clueless.” You’re not just gonna let that hotdog laying there are you?”
“Why not,” Harmon asked. “I don’t want it anymore.” Plus they have people working here who need something to do.”
Susan shook her head. “Oh I was just looking at a Alan Chackson CD,” she said. “Do you like him?” I kinda do and just love that song about little bitty.”
Harmon didn’t know what to say. He was a bigger fan of recording artists like Gospel Express and The Schwartzes but he had to look cool so he said, “Um yeah, I don’t really like him that much but he is pretty cool.” I think Big and Rich is better though.” He’d heard Big and Rich and hated them.
“Oh I love them,” Susan said. “That song about riding a cowboy is so funny.”
Harmon didn’t know what she was talking about but he agreed.
“This is boring,” Harmon finally said, “Let’s go throw shirts on the floor.”
“Oh Harmon,” Susan gushed, “You are so funny.” You know, that thing you said in class the other day.” Everyone, including me thought it was dumb and I know you got in trouble for it, but now I think it was kinda funny.” Dating is not Mating.” Ha.”
“I’m so sorry for that,” Harmon said, “I shouldn’t have said it.”
“You’re probably right, but it was funny and that’s what I think but don’t tell anyone I said that.”
Harmon smiled. She thinks I’m funny and that is very good. What else could I do to impress her? Maybe I could tell her I have a broken heart and she would try to comfort me. Lucky for Harmon, Willard and Henry and the other girls came on the scene before he could bare his heart. Someone made a rude comment about Susan and Harmon being together and Susan blushed. Harmon saw that.
Then a couple other guys joined them and they all went to Sonic and did what cool people generally do. The boys ate hamburgers, the girls ate almost nothing and they all made fun of the uncool people and tried to impress all the other cool people. Harmon looked around at his new cool friends as he took a large bite of fries and watched Henry whisper something to Karen. This is so awesome, he thought. How did I and my uncool friends get into the same group as these cool people? Harmon couldn’t figure out the answer. It’s neat, he thought as he watched Susan nibbling on a chicken tender. I really do like her and I think she likes me but I do miss Arvilla. At the thought of the prettiest girl in all of Bird-in-Hand, a glum look came slowly upon Harmon’s face. (By iw 2/10/08 to be continued).
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Read Our Hero Harmon next week for an Arvilla Update. PLUS the MUST read conclusion of Hamron’s stay at NBC.